In case you needed a reminder, penile implants are a bad idea. As The News Journal in Delaware reports, a “Newark truck driver had an erection that lasted about eight months – a result of a botched surgical procedure by a Wilmington urologist who performed a penile implant in 2009, according to a medical malpractice lawsuit being heard this week in New Castle County Superior Court.” And while that might sound like having a good time, all the time, it’s not so much fun when Olympic athletes could bump, set and spike your nutsack. As per The News Journal, attorneys suggested Daniel Metzgar “should have known something was wrong after he had the December surgery when he said his scrotum swelled to the size of a volleyball. Instead, he didn’t say anything was wrong until April.” Hey, I know it’s embarrassing and all, but you might wanna get that checked out…
Of course, Metzgar says his social life was pretty much ruined by his perma-boner. “I could hardly dance, with an erection poking my partner,” Metzgar told jurors Monday when he took the witness stand. Because you can’t tuck it into your waistband when you’re 44. “It’s not something you want to bring out at parties and show to friends,” he added. Guess he doesn’t attend swingers parties?
Now, here’s the scary part. The squeamish might wanna look away… The News Journal reports that “He ended up getting the prosthesis removed in August 2010 after tubing from the device punctured his scrotum during a family trip to Niagara Falls.” I can only imagine what taking the air out of those volleyballs musta felt like! And to make matters worse, his insurance wouldn’t cover any more dick surgery. “Metzgar, who lost his insurance after the December 2009 procedure, said he didn’t have the $10,000 Desperito wanted before he would do the surgery,” according to The News Journal. Boy, am I proud to be Canadian! 
But wait, there’s, erm, less. According to the Delaware newspaper’s scoop of the century, “Metzgar said the scar tissue from the first surgery left him about 50 percent smaller and he does not experience the same level of sensation.” But hey, I hear there’s a pill for that…
